Wedding week!

Well, it's finally (!!) wedding week over at Zucchero Zucchero so I am going to share a couple of my pictures from the wedding of the year (move over Kimmy K!) It was truly the best wedding, the best party, the best crowd, (the best music!) I've ever been lucky to be a part of. I know my Hol worked really hard to put everything together and it was absolutely beautiful. Plus, her and her man have an amazing love between them. I was happy to be there to witness it :) 

The beautiful bride & I

Mr & Mrs! (and her signature drink)

Jon dancing with his mom, Holly with her dad

my hs gal pal Diana, who was the perfect +1

The toss.....

...I caught it!!!! :)

these kids are so in love :) :) SO happy for you two xoxox

I don't want to post too many to take away from Holly's week of posts...these were only a few faves :) head on over to zuc zuc for all the beautiful snaps!

Thankful.

I am used to talking about my girls, my travels, my music obsessions.... but today, truly, what I am grateful for every day of my life is the fact that I am truly blessed with a HUGE family. My childhood was awesome. I had so many built in play buddies, we had the best holidays and vacations. And now we're spread across the country with jobs, kids and lives of our own but I always think of them. I will always treasure them. This year was especially awesome because it was a milestone year. The matriarch on my mom's side turned 75, and even better, my mom's dad's mom turned 90 (!!!) how's that for good genes? I feel like the last couple of months have been a blessing, spent a lot of family time with my cousins and I know that I am lucky to have them all in my life. Bittersweet to head down to San Diego instead of staying local with my mom's side, but dad's side needs love too. It's been a long time since we all got to spend the day together. 

So today (and everyday!) don't forget to remember and appreciate those that you were blessed to be born with. I especially want to say that I love my sister. I am thankful for her every day of my life. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! Now go eat, drink and watch football! ;)

sister & mom and dad..... I love you guys with everything I've got!

 

great gram in the middle, my grandparents on each side of her :)

mom's side seeeveral years ago....

 .....and to relieve the serious note, here's a little Dexter clip that is completely appropriate and inappropriate at the same time :)


ps EFF YOU blogger, i can never get my pictures where i want them...... took FOR FUCKING EVER. gaaaaaaah :pullshairout:

Partner in crime....

I want my next romantic partner to resemble a partner in crime..... these songs are ideal.


WATCH this video, love this song, great cover, great video til the end :(




The Black Keys......oh lordddddd..... I cannot get enough.

The Princess Bride

Woke up this morning to some news... EEEK!! Happy/sad day, haha ;) 

Congrats to the happy couple! I've always been a fan of the royal family,

my mom and dad got married and (separated) around the same time

so naturally my mom was a huge fan of Diana's and it's carried over. 

He's a bit nerdy but I have always had a big crush on Wills! 

(....and of course, I'm interested in the BLING!!)

a royal wedding :)

beautiful mother and her boys... Prince William and his love.

SO adorable and sweet that he gave her his mother's ring. He said it was because they wanted her to be included in the happiness. That tears at the heart. What a style icon and an amazing woman. She is definitely one of my idols. Happy to see her son found a perfect match. Kate seems like she'd be a fun gal pal. One of my bestie's is getting married next summer too and I'm waaaaay more excited about the coincidence than she is, haha. (I know I'm a nerd!)

Where does it go?

I'm just going to lay it all out there.


I've been having a really hard time lately. But work has honestly been so solidly busy since I've been back in Los Angeles that I haven't had time to slow down and be alone and think about everything. It doesn't mean I don't think about what's going on...it's just easy to occupy my time. 


A couple weeks ago, my best friend asked me if I missed being in love with one of my ex's after she was having a hard time getting through a breakup.  It made me laugh for a minute because we are friends now and have been for a while. But I do remember how long it took for us to truly break up and move past it... well over a year. 


Present day... it's hard to go day to day. After living with someone mostly everything will remind you of them. It should be easier for me because I left and I'm somewhere that doesn't necessarily just carry memories of him. Yet TV shows, songs, dishes... a lot of things. Life is a little lonely when it's not shared. I've been looking and thinking back to where we started and struggling constantly with "where did those feelings go?" I honestly don't know. 


Tonight I watched The Bachelor wrap up where Jake and Vienna were reunited post break up. I didn't get to watch it when it aired Monday but I saw everyone's status updates about it. I thought it would be harmless entertainment... but it just rang too close to home. There is nothing entertaining about watching two people who supposedly cared about each other just tear each other apart. It really hurt to watch. 


I think it's ironic that any significant time in your life you'll be able to relate it to a single song. For some reason, Kelly Clarkson's "Already Gone" is getting serious airplay again. I hear it every time I'm in the car. I don't know how I never really listened to it before but every lyric is appropriate in my life right now. 


Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I miss you.

The fun in being Bicoastal is the option to go back and forth.. always having the best of both words, never having to miss anything or anyone. 

I moved to Colorado when I was 22 for a little under a year. I loved Colorado so fiercely. I made a lot of friends fast... adopted them from a good friend. I got a little internship that was really fun and met another fun crazy group of music lovers. One soul mate sister who I haven't seen now in over a year... it's hard when you leave a place because you can't go back. It will never stay how you left it.

I took this picture the moment I decided to move to Colorado... I had no other choice :)

The funny thing about life is that you are only one person in the big crazy game of life on this huge planet... you're moving and thinking and living and millions and billions of people are doing the same thing at the same time. You meet people and take parts of them with you forever. Yet you will never ever have the same exact experience again. You will have beautiful moments but they go by so fast. You'll never get the moments back. You will never get to stand still with every single person ever again. 

It's beautiful to live and move and travel and meet people... but the sadness in it is that then you have to miss them. The thought of it takes me breath away.

Right now I feel my heart crushing me. I'm "home" but there is no such thing for me. I love being here in California, sitting on a bed I've slept in hundreds of nights... with my dog at my feet. Yet I miss my sister, 20 miles away. I miss my girlfriends because it's to late to wake them with silly thoughts or ask them to hold me while I sleep. I miss the lover who is no longer mine. Who still sleeps in my bed in my room with all of my things 3,000 miles away from here. 

I miss you.

I'm having a hard time right now dealing with distance and the things that I have decided to do. I love that I've lived... but it's really hard to have to miss people. I guess it's good to have people that you love so much that hold a part of you. Appreciate every moment and hold on to it.

10 things of the week

I worry that...

10 ...I won't ever be able to control my diet or get into a healthy work out routine. 

9 ...I'll never be comfortable with my body...

8 ...I'm not doing the right thing...

7 ....I'm not a good friend.

6 ...maybe I'm not a good person. 

5 ...I drink too much...

4 ...I'll lose everyone I care about.

3 ...I'm wasting time in regret. 

2 ....maybe I'm never good enough.

1 ...I'll never find love again. 

List is self explanatory this week. I am having a bit of a quarter life crisis. I am back in LA, rehired full time at DC, yet most of my things are still in the apartment back East. What am I doing? I don't know. But I'm going to take the summer to figure it out. Life is really weird and confusing right now. I really love and miss NYC but I really don't think it's a good time for me to be there. And as far as being in a relationship, that is on hold for now too. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I am very unhappy, very conflicted... I need some time to figure me out again. Mind and body... I am in a really bad place. I just want to get into a stable and healthy place with work and myself and cuddle with my dog. Of course I miss Eric and crave his love, but I don't know if I am being fair. So we're going to do the cliche thing and revisit us in a couple months. It's scary but it's what needs to happen. 

This is my 100th blog post. Thanks for reading. I will try to be more present, and you bet your ass I'm going to just be brutally honest from here on out. And a little more fun too, I promise. 

I just want to ask one thing, how do I get motivated to eat right and work out every day? I am getting there but it's hard to get up in the morning. Seriously. Help.

Summer break...

I'm going to take a break from blogging for a while. I don't know how long. I might pop in and out, but we'll see what I have time for. I don't want to say too much but let's just say... I'm going to be settled in on just one coast from now on. I have a lot to do in the next week. I'm a little freaked out, stressed out... I don't know if I'm making the right decision but I think this is what needs to happen. 

Pedro and Ellie

Just wanted to share a pic of Pedro and his gal-pal with you. Hope the weekend is treating you well :)

Coming up: Coachella wrap up,  and the start of 10-things Tuesday.

loved.

A week late, but I just wanted to share some snapshots from our Valentine's Day. Eric sent a big box of flowers to my (former) work. They were gorgeous. I am glad he didn't just get me roses :) We also cooked ourselves a nice meal at home rather than deal with the crowds and overpriced menus. We had a lovely night. Everything on the us front has been really great lately. Life can be crazy and chaotic but we're pretty cozy and happy with just us. It's amazing to be loved like this :)

One of those days.

I'm stealing words of wisdom I found along the web from Kelly Cutrone. They spoke straight to my heart.

- Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
- Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
- Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
- When you say, 'I love you ,' mean it.
- When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
- Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
- Believe in love at first sight.
- Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
- Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
- In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
- Don't judge people by their relatives.
- Talk slowly but think quickly.
- When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
- Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
- Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
- When you lose, don't lose the lesson !
- Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
- Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship..
- When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
- Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice..
- Spend some time alone.

one

...week = reunion

one year = 8/5/08 :)

Belated love

Two of my (fabulous!) besties in the whole wide world were born three days (and one year, but who's counting?!) apart! Their special days just graced us (Thursday and Sunday) but I think it's still safe to give them a special shout out :)

 

HOLLY

SHANNON  

santa cruz '05

^^^memphis '06

new orleans '08

baltimore '09

norcal '09

I met Holly in 2002 at a wild party ;) and we've had many many good times from then to now... unfortch, the ooold pics I had were on a computer that was stolen :( But we have a good amount to compensate, and those memories will never fade :) She is my fashionista go-to gal, like the older sister that I can always count on. I love her dearly! 

We added to our little party in 2006 when we met Shannon in Memphis through another friend. Everyone was ready to crash by the time we got to the hotel and we were bouncing off the walls. We asked Shannon if she wanted to come out to the bars with us and by 4am we were attached at the hip. Those 3 days were some of the best of my life and memories I will treasure for a lifetime.

Shannon is my heart, my shining light... my confidant. She always makes me feel better, we take the bad and laugh at it. We fight through the shit and are real with each other. Our friendship is honest and pure, no secrets, no bullshit. I am very lucky and happy to have her and Holly in my life!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABES! I love and miss you both!

Wish we lived much much closer, but here's to seeing each other SOON! xoxoxo

Steps

In 2 weeks time, I'll be with Eric again :)

I am very excited. Right now, he is doing his part to heal and get back on track, and I am also taking steps and doing my part. I've been going to Al-anon for a few weeks and I really am responding well to it. I feel bad because I am not going as much as I would like to. I make excuses and make plans but at least I know I am doing what I can. I have to do that for us, but I also have to take care of me. I have to keep living my life.

The last meeting I went to really hit me hard, in a positive way. The theme was Slogans. You know them, "let go and let god," "one day at a time," "first things first," "live and let live," "this too shall pass." Some of them are cheesy as hell, but when someone said the last one out loud, it hit me like bricks. 

No secret that I am a super-311 fan. They have a song called This Too Shall Pass and their entire message is based around being positive and simple similar slogans. "Stay positive and love your life," "do what thou wilt," "from chaos comes clarity" and longer quotes, "if there's a shadow in your life than there's sunshine,"  etc. 

I realized this all starts with me. I need to change my outlook, I am doing my best. I already have some good stepping stones, but I have a lot to do. It was someone's 20th Al-anon birthday that week and everything she said meant a lot to me. It's healing to hear that this helps and this works for other people. I carry a lot of anger and negativity and react a lot. I need to find peace with myself and change the way that I respond. People hold a lot of negativity and anger in their hearts and that's something I really honestly try to steer away from, but it's really hard for me to just ignore it when it's constantly in my face. 

So, here's to doing my best. Meetings are good but I am also happy to have 311 such a huge role in my life, the positivity, my friends who are like family... "I've got a clique but it's more like a family" I mean, there's not much else I could ask for. The rest has to come from me :)

It's also meant a lot to me to share what I am going through and have friends and acquaintances reach out to me. That's what the program is all about and that means so much to me. It's really a blessing. 

so, THANK YOU. 

there's no way this won't make you smile

try it
♥

family

I have a great family. A great big family. They are the big part of what makes it hard when I think of picking up and moving away from here. (again...) But distance only makes the heart grow fonder, right?

My grandma is a cutie pie. I adore her. She is so sweet and innocent. My mom always says she is like a little girl, because she is easily excitable and she talks too much. (which I don't really mind...) But I just love her so much, I love being around her and listening to her tell stories and saying "Hi" to her over and over (which is something annoying Eric and I also do).

Well, my precious grandma is spending the night at the hospital tonight :( I am hoping/praying it is nothing serious. I went to see her at the ER and she was just herself... chatting up a storm and joking as usual. They made her drink this huge jug of water and she joked with the nurse (which was lost in translation but my mom and I still grinned.) For example, she had 4 hours to drink this huge jug and she asked if she could drink 4 cups instead. And then she asked me and my mom to help her finish it... I would do any of those things to help her if it would make her feel better. I really wish I'd stayed with her tonight. I just know going to work early and hopefully leaving early was a wiser choice. I can't say better, because what is better than being there for my loving beautiful lady? I hope she knows she is all I am thinking about.

These are the moments I need my man the most. I just want to lay here and be comforted and loved and held... it hurt so terribly to see my gma in pain when we left. I am praying that tonight is not too awful for her. I am going to try to sleep so I can head in early, finish my work and hopefully head back to her as soon as I can. No pictures, maybe I'll edit and share one later but I don't want to start crying again. Send your positivity and loving thoughts to my lady, plz.

proud to be...

I've never been super patriotic or anything. In fact, my aunt is a marine and she always pushed my dad to have us come up and visit her for the marine balls every year. My sister and I were never interested. I just never wanted that lifestyle of falling for someone, getting married young then having kids and having them be gone for months and years at a time. Not for me, no thanks!


So, tell me why, now, I am totally in love with my man... who is a crazy navy boy! dammit! But you know what? I am damn proud :)



I still kind of find all those graphics cheesy but hey, maybe they are growing on me. It's hard not to appreciate. Eric is disciplined. He is very smart. He is determined. He believes in service. He has really big dreams. He set his mind to this and he's not just doing it halfway. He volunteers, he's learning every day. He shares his dreams with me and more and more, including me in those plans for the future. It's really sexy... it's really inspiring. I do feel pride, extreme pride, every day. And it makes that time that is quickly approaching almost bearable. Because I know it will make him even more amazing and it'll also make me, and us, stronger for going through it all together.

soon he has to go live on a sub without me :(


@ the navy memorial in dc

I love him with so much of my heart

"Any man who may be ask what he did to make his life worthwhile
can respond with a good deal of pride and satisfaction,
'I served in the United States Navy.'"

spreading smiles

In Boston the ironworkers across from a children's cancer treatment center are spray painting the children's name on the beams going into a new building.




Such a beautiful, simple act of kindness that goes such a long way :)

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