Where does it go?

I'm just going to lay it all out there.


I've been having a really hard time lately. But work has honestly been so solidly busy since I've been back in Los Angeles that I haven't had time to slow down and be alone and think about everything. It doesn't mean I don't think about what's going on...it's just easy to occupy my time. 


A couple weeks ago, my best friend asked me if I missed being in love with one of my ex's after she was having a hard time getting through a breakup.  It made me laugh for a minute because we are friends now and have been for a while. But I do remember how long it took for us to truly break up and move past it... well over a year. 


Present day... it's hard to go day to day. After living with someone mostly everything will remind you of them. It should be easier for me because I left and I'm somewhere that doesn't necessarily just carry memories of him. Yet TV shows, songs, dishes... a lot of things. Life is a little lonely when it's not shared. I've been looking and thinking back to where we started and struggling constantly with "where did those feelings go?" I honestly don't know. 


Tonight I watched The Bachelor wrap up where Jake and Vienna were reunited post break up. I didn't get to watch it when it aired Monday but I saw everyone's status updates about it. I thought it would be harmless entertainment... but it just rang too close to home. There is nothing entertaining about watching two people who supposedly cared about each other just tear each other apart. It really hurt to watch. 


I think it's ironic that any significant time in your life you'll be able to relate it to a single song. For some reason, Kelly Clarkson's "Already Gone" is getting serious airplay again. I hear it every time I'm in the car. I don't know how I never really listened to it before but every lyric is appropriate in my life right now. 


Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

lust lust lust

I went to the mall yesterday and stumbled upon the new Ray Ban frames... holy cow I am in love! I have been wanting to buy a black pair of wayfarers and I'm glad I had to wait so long... I'm going to scoop these puppies up sooon! 

new ray ban 4141

I also saw another pair that looked really good on me... but do I need 3 pairs of designer sunnies? They were marked down to $40! If I go back next week and they're still there... it's meant to be so we'll leave it to fate.

marc jacobs square sunnies

I am also lusting over summer travel... I am used to bouncing back and forth from coast to coast so being in one side for so long has me feeling cabin fever! Isn't that weird? So I am looking at tour dates, flights.... etc. I'll leave that list for my Tuesday 10 things. ;)


Tonight I am going to see Matt Embree's Love You Moon at the El Rey. The show is on Tuesday :D LOL! ooops! I can't wait. He's amazing and oh-so sexy! I love his voice and his stage swagger. I am excited. Must charge my camera.

Last, I am super, madly crazy in lust with Gaga! LOVELOVELOVE her... love her style, love her brain, love her moves. I can't stop watching the Alejandro video. Some great outfits, some great dancing... I can't take it. Here's a pic from her Telephone video, very 4th! Happy Holiday, enjoy it and be safe! 

I miss you.

The fun in being Bicoastal is the option to go back and forth.. always having the best of both words, never having to miss anything or anyone. 

I moved to Colorado when I was 22 for a little under a year. I loved Colorado so fiercely. I made a lot of friends fast... adopted them from a good friend. I got a little internship that was really fun and met another fun crazy group of music lovers. One soul mate sister who I haven't seen now in over a year... it's hard when you leave a place because you can't go back. It will never stay how you left it.

I took this picture the moment I decided to move to Colorado... I had no other choice :)

The funny thing about life is that you are only one person in the big crazy game of life on this huge planet... you're moving and thinking and living and millions and billions of people are doing the same thing at the same time. You meet people and take parts of them with you forever. Yet you will never ever have the same exact experience again. You will have beautiful moments but they go by so fast. You'll never get the moments back. You will never get to stand still with every single person ever again. 

It's beautiful to live and move and travel and meet people... but the sadness in it is that then you have to miss them. The thought of it takes me breath away.

Right now I feel my heart crushing me. I'm "home" but there is no such thing for me. I love being here in California, sitting on a bed I've slept in hundreds of nights... with my dog at my feet. Yet I miss my sister, 20 miles away. I miss my girlfriends because it's to late to wake them with silly thoughts or ask them to hold me while I sleep. I miss the lover who is no longer mine. Who still sleeps in my bed in my room with all of my things 3,000 miles away from here. 

I miss you.

I'm having a hard time right now dealing with distance and the things that I have decided to do. I love that I've lived... but it's really hard to have to miss people. I guess it's good to have people that you love so much that hold a part of you. Appreciate every moment and hold on to it.

Pardon my dust...

I'M MOVING! Not coast to coast again, but 25 miles north to Beverlywood so that I'm only 3 miles from work. And yes, most of my things are still in NYC so I have to go back or get them shipped. But work isn't going to slow down until mid or late July and I have a busy, busy summer planned. So we'll see what I get around to. I still have a lot to blog about, so be sure to come on back when I get settled and finally post up my sweet Swapaholics finds!

TGIF

This week was rough. My boss is out of town and we're dealing with one of the biggest orders our company has ever had, along with all new styles and figuring out how to execute them. I come home exhausted, with more work to do at home, and I still haven't found an apartment so I've been driving from an hour to two hours (EACH WAY!) back and forth from work and my parents house. Also been dealing with a lot of extra BS. Life comes at ya, you have to be ready.

I cannot wait to kick back, relax and enjoy my favorite drink over soccer and breakfast... mmmmmmm.

source

Never Forget

Forgive me for my double posts tonight, but I just realized Remember Me came out on DVD today. Fangirlness aside, yes I am a RPatzz fan, but this is a movie everyone should see. (I don't want to spoil you...) but this movie literally floored me at the end. After living in NYC for a year and being so in love with it as I've been since the first time I stepped foot there... this movie totally captured what it is to be in New York. I felt the city, I felt the romance, I felt the tragedy. Even the most subtle moments touched me.  


SEE THIS MOVIE! And once you see it, let's talk about it. 
You won't regret it, and you won't forget it.