I am very excited. Right now, he is doing his part to heal and get back on track, and I am also taking steps and doing my part. I've been going to Al-anon for a few weeks and I really am responding well to it. I feel bad because I am not going as much as I would like to. I make excuses and make plans but at least I know I am doing what I can. I have to do that for us, but I also have to take care of me. I have to keep living my life.
The last meeting I went to really hit me hard, in a positive way. The theme was Slogans. You know them, "let go and let god," "one day at a time," "first things first," "live and let live," "this too shall pass." Some of them are cheesy as hell, but when someone said the last one out loud, it hit me like bricks.
No secret that I am a super-311 fan. They have a song called This Too Shall Pass and their entire message is based around being positive and simple similar slogans. "Stay positive and love your life," "do what thou wilt," "from chaos comes clarity" and longer quotes, "if there's a shadow in your life than there's sunshine," etc.
I realized this all starts with me. I need to change my outlook, I am doing my best. I already have some good stepping stones, but I have a lot to do. It was someone's 20th Al-anon birthday that week and everything she said meant a lot to me. It's healing to hear that this helps and this works for other people. I carry a lot of anger and negativity and react a lot. I need to find peace with myself and change the way that I respond. People hold a lot of negativity and anger in their hearts and that's something I really honestly try to steer away from, but it's really hard for me to just ignore it when it's constantly in my face.
So, here's to doing my best. Meetings are good but I am also happy to have 311 such a huge role in my life, the positivity, my friends who are like family... "I've got a clique but it's more like a family" I mean, there's not much else I could ask for. The rest has to come from me :)
It's also meant a lot to me to share what I am going through and have friends and acquaintances reach out to me. That's what the program is all about and that means so much to me. It's really a blessing.