Friday, May 29, 2009

I love...

...sappy chick flicks. Terrible ones. Lovey-dovey... gut wrenching, awful.... awwwwful chick flicks. I love them!

I'm gross and so weird.

Anyway, I went out last night and have been sluggish/hung-overish all day. So tonight I decided to stay in and take it easy. I watched this terrrrrifying Showtime series called Sleeper Cell that scared the shit out of me (but I liked it!) and then I started flipping and found CATCH AND RELEASE!!!!111

I don't know what I like more about it. The chick-flickness, Jen Garner or the fact that it's set in my beloved Boulder that I miss more than I can staaand. I haven't been to Colorado in almost a year :( OK, I did have a 2 hour layover a few months ago but that was so depressing. I was flying home from visiting Eric and I wanted to stay and roll in the earth and take in the mountains and the air... mmmmm.

Anyway, so I'm watcing my flick, when the saucy love scene comes up and I'm punched in the gut. Why?


oh holy jeeebus. He is amazing/ridiculous/gorgeous/haunting/goose-bump inducing...

I can't find a clip from the movie but that is the song... it makes me wanna cry every time I hear it! I love it soso much.

He was always a regular at the Hotel Cafe but I snooozed on that and never saw him. That sucks, always happens to me too lately :( He popped up again on Ellen's show last year. He sang at Ellen & Portia's wedding :) everytime I watch the clip, I cry. sooo beautiful, so much love between the two beautiful ladies.

Makes me bitter with California. tell me what is wrong with that. Absolutely nothing.

Monday, May 25, 2009

10 minutes

I just got home from two days in Palm Springs with my family. It was pretty good, did a lot of eating and lounging at the pool. I'm sooo dark now, this is my Coachella glow I missed out on in April. 

My Memorial Day weekend kicked off on Thursday by Eric going in for restriction. I don't really know what to call it, it really seems like he is in jail. He is "serving" 45 days on base. Ironically, he is done on July 4th at midnight. What I am hoping and praying for from this is growth. I want him to do rehab. I want him to do counseling. I want him to take this as a positive experience. Obviously it's not a positive thing but I do honestly believe that positive things can come from this. 

Tomorrow is a big day. We'll find out if he gets to work through these 45 days. He will meet with a drug/rehab counselor and figure out the next step then. Tomorrow night I am going to go to an Al-anon meeting. I feel like I could really benefit from it. I am reaching out but I really feel like I'm grasping at air because no one really knows what to say to me. This is a really hard situation because these are self-made misfortunes. But I didn't ask for this, and I'm not going to walk away. 

I love Eric. I really believe in him. This is breaking my heart, this is hurting me. I'm not sleeping, or at least, not sleeping well. I'm having the weirdest dreams. I feel like I can't breathe sometimes. We used to talk all day, everyday. Texting, e-mailing, calling... and now we only get 10 minutes a day. 10 minutes go so quickly. It's so hard. I think about him all day, I wonder what he's doing, how he's doing... if he's ok. He seems to be in good spirits but it's so scary. It's rough.

It's hard for me because the last week we had together was really up and down. Our first night back together we stayed up until 5am, talking and talking and just looking at each other, holding each other... but the end of the week we were just bickering every 5 minutes. It hurts to think about. I know what was going on with us now, all I want to do is be with him and support him.

It's also hard for me to watch peoples shitty relationships around me. I just have zero sympathy. I know I have a very good relationship with shitty situations. We are very honest with each other, very loving and supportive. But it's hard for me to pretend that I care when I have to listen over and over to friends dealing with cheaters, liars, crazy people. Why hold on to someone that is not holding on to you? Why put your all into something that is completely unhealthy? I'm not talking about anything (tooo) specific, I'm being very general. I'm really annoyed with a lot of shit right now. 

Maybe I need to be more sympathetic. We'll see.