Thursday, June 17, 2010

10 things of the week

I worry that...

10 ...I won't ever be able to control my diet or get into a healthy work out routine. 
9 ...I'll never be comfortable with my body...
8 ...I'm not doing the right thing...
7 ....I'm not a good friend.
6 ...maybe I'm not a good person. 
5 ...I drink too much...
4 ...I'll lose everyone I care about.
3 ...I'm wasting time in regret. 
2 ....maybe I'm never good enough.
1 ...I'll never find love again. 

List is self explanatory this week. I am having a bit of a quarter life crisis. I am back in LA, rehired full time at DC, yet most of my things are still in the apartment back East. What am I doing? I don't know. But I'm going to take the summer to figure it out. Life is really weird and confusing right now. I really love and miss NYC but I really don't think it's a good time for me to be there. And as far as being in a relationship, that is on hold for now too. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I am very unhappy, very conflicted... I need some time to figure me out again. Mind and body... I am in a really bad place. I just want to get into a stable and healthy place with work and myself and cuddle with my dog. Of course I miss Eric and crave his love, but I don't know if I am being fair. So we're going to do the cliche thing and revisit us in a couple months. It's scary but it's what needs to happen. 

This is my 100th blog post. Thanks for reading. I will try to be more present, and you bet your ass I'm going to just be brutally honest from here on out. And a little more fun too, I promise. 

I just want to ask one thing, how do I get motivated to eat right and work out every day? I am getting there but it's hard to get up in the morning. Seriously. Help.

1 comment:

anastasia said...

you are welcome to be my gym buddy any day :) i'm going for a run right now. and don't restrict yourself from whatever you want to eat cause you'll just want it more dude. trust me. anywho, you're not doing anything wrong you're just doing you :) all of those things are worries that everyone goes through at some point. if you're not scared you're not paying attention. so just sit back and let good things come :) xo