I worry that...
10 ...I won't ever be able to control my diet or get into a healthy work out routine.
9 ...I'll never be comfortable with my body...
8 ...I'm not doing the right thing...
7 ....I'm not a good friend.
6 ...maybe I'm not a good person.
5 ...I drink too much...
4 ...I'll lose everyone I care about.
3 ...I'm wasting time in regret.
2 ....maybe I'm never good enough.
1 ...I'll never find love again.
List is self explanatory this week. I am having a bit of a quarter life crisis. I am back in LA, rehired full time at DC, yet most of my things are still in the apartment back East. What am I doing? I don't know. But I'm going to take the summer to figure it out. Life is really weird and confusing right now. I really love and miss NYC but I really don't think it's a good time for me to be there. And as far as being in a relationship, that is on hold for now too. I don't know what the right thing to do is. I am very unhappy, very conflicted... I need some time to figure me out again. Mind and body... I am in a really bad place. I just want to get into a stable and healthy place with work and myself and cuddle with my dog. Of course I miss Eric and crave his love, but I don't know if I am being fair. So we're going to do the cliche thing and revisit us in a couple months. It's scary but it's what needs to happen.
This is my 100th blog post. Thanks for reading. I will try to be more present, and you bet your ass I'm going to just be brutally honest from here on out. And a little more fun too, I promise.
I just want to ask one thing, how do I get motivated to eat right and work out every day? I am getting there but it's hard to get up in the morning. Seriously. Help.